eHarmony won’t leave me alone. They’re constantly sending me offers and dating tips. Given that eHarmony’s flagship product – online dating – actually worked as promised and I’ve been dating Megan for four months now, their tips for meeting women are a little late to the game (never mind that helping me meet women off-line (ie: in the real world) seems to run against their business plan).
However, I didn’t let that stop me from trying out today’s e-mail – “Our Top 10 Favorite Pick Up Lines” – on the very woman they introduced me to. They’re not the old “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?” or “I’d rearrange the alphabet and put U and I together” but they’re still pretty lame. Is it possible I just have too much game?
1. Hey, I love your shoes (or handbag or coat, etc)
EH’s Take: The main problems with most pickup lines are that they’re too generic and can clearly be aimed at anyone. If you’re interested in someone you see while you’re out, pick something special about him/her and ask them about it. It’s a fairly easy way to start a conversation.
Megan’s Take: I’d think you were gay.
Brian’s Take: I don’t think I’ve ever said the word “handbag,” let alone use it in a pick up line.
2. Hi, I would love to get you a drink.
EH’s Take: It’s not big, it’s not clever, but it’s straight, simple and directly to the point. Keep it polite, don’t be threatening, take no for an answer (if that is the answer), and try not to sound too cheesy.
Megan’s Take: [gagging motion] It’s hard to imagine you with alcohol.
Brian’s Take: No arguments about her logic, and “Hi, I would love to get you a Dr Pepper” just doesn’t’ have much of a ring to it.
3. What kind of dog is that?
EH’s Take: If the person you have your eyes on is with a “prop,” you’ve already got a clear advantage. Pets famously bring people together on dog walks and in parks and cafes across the country – who doesn’t love to talk about his or her furry bundle of joy? You can also take it to the next level by adding the funny/infamous, “Does he/she have a phone number?”
Megan’s Take: Maybe. Assuming I actually had a dog with me.
Brian’s Take: I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I like the “does the dog have a number?” closer. But what if I ask the dog’s breed and her answer is “Shih tzu” and I can’t keep a straight face?
4. Are you single?
EH’s Take: It’s another straightforward approach (see a trend here!?!). The great thing is that you get to the point immediately, no wasted time with this opener.
Megan’s Take: I feel sorry for the chumps who try it.
Brian’s Take: Forget straightforward, this is about 20x too desperate. If this doesn’t work, try “wanna get married in Vegas tonight?” Hey, it’s just another “straightforward approach.”
5. Hi, who’s your friend?
EH’s Take: If you are a bit more daring and playful, you can try this conversation starter. She will either be amused and interested … or not.]
Megan’s Take: No.
Brian’s Take: I don’t get it. Is the “target” alone? Or am I really macking on her friend?
6. Nice to meet you, I’m (x), you’re beautiful
EH’s Take: Flattery works wonders on some people. Traditional pickup lines don’t always work well on some people. No approach is more direct than this one, so why not give the “honesty is the best policy” a shot?
Megan’s Take: Maybe.
Brian’s Take: Still a little too forward for my taste. Although it would be kind of fun if I actually introduced myself as X.
7. I bet you were an awfully cute baby.
EH’s Take: Remember what we said about flattery? This pickup line is actually endearing without being offensive, and something she/he would likely not be expecting. Hey, it worked on Jean Harlow in the classic Hollywood flick, ‘The Girl from Missouri.’
Megan’s Take: [shakes head]
Brian’s Take: It may be “endearing without being offensive,” but it’s also a little creepy. Fine, a lot creepy.
8. How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!
EH’s Take: It’s not crude, rude or over the top … but sort of sweet as far as traditional pickup lines go. If it starts a conversation, you are already one step further than you were before. Who doesn’t enjoy a bit of humor?
Megan’s Take: I’d probably laugh
Brian’s Take: To me it sounds too much like a fat joke.
9. Excuse me, but you have something on your face. [when she goes to wipe her face, stop her and say] No, no, it’s beauty. Leave it.
EH’s Take: One of our very own advice users claimed this is how he met his now-wife. We like it!
Megan’s Take: [groan]
Brian’s Take: I’ve never seen Jersey Shore, but I imagine the Situation might use a line like this.
10. WHO are you?
EH’s Take: We thought this was another simple and endearing approach from an advice user. Remember, it’s all about delivery and confidence – so muster up as much charm as you can and have fun with these interactions.
Megan’s Take: [skeptically raises eyebrows] I’m… Megan…
Brian’s Take: You say “simple and endearing,” I say “impersonal and rude.”