I’m “going to jail” and I can’t tell you how excited I am! Every day for what seems like the last 10 years (it’s been right at 2), I’ve driven by the new Cole County jail lamenting that the construction has blocked off my street and debris has ruined two of my tires. But it’ll all be worth it this Friday when they open their doors for a grand opening and let John and Jane Q. Citizen spend the night in a cell free of charge (and by “free of charge” I mean that you don’t have to be charged with a crime to spend the night in jail. They actually are charging you $30 for the night)! HOW AWESOME IS THIS??
The answer is “pretty flippin’ awesome!”
I get to have a “mug shot” taken, tour the facility, and (per the JC Chamber of Commerce) “see tax dollars at work.” I’ll also get to experience two prison meals and assist hard-working jail personnel “work out any unexpected problems before the [actual] inmates move in.” Did I mention you get a commemorative t-shirt? Because you totally get a commemorative t-shirt.
You too can join in the fun by calling the Sheriff’s office at 573-934-9160. Tell ’em Brian sent ya.
Now all I need is a good prison nick name. Something like T-Bone, Mad Dog or Knuckles, ya know? Post your suggestions in the comments!