The (Mystery) Honeymooners


I can guarantee you this will not be happening on our honeymoon. How is the waiter going to bring me more bread? Or refill my Diet Dr Pepper? This lack of service is going to be reflected in his tip, I can tell you that much.

Planning Megan and my June 29 wedding has been… exhausting. Much to my surprise, I’ve discovered that I have very passionate opinions about things I never thought I’d care about. “Marrying” our two tastes and traditions into a cohesive ceremony and reception hasn’t been easy, but we’re in the home stretch and we’re more than ready for the big day to get here.  But in the midst of choosing napkin fonts and colors of roses (there are literally 300 shades of red), there’s one planning task that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed, and not just because Megan has left it to me: our honeymoon.

Megan decided to let me plan the whole thing as a surprise. No one except me and God know the destination. Isn’t that fun? The problem is that without much input from her, it could easily turn into Brian’s Fantasy Week while being a complete snoozefest to my new bride, and that’s no way to start a life together. Now, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, we will have a fantastic time wherever we go. But even in a newlywed blissful state, I’m pretty sure Megan doesn’t want spend an afternoon of our honeymoon at the Spam Museum, or at a James Bond Film Festival in Poughkeepsie. Or this little scenario:  “Yes, Brian, that’s lovely. I’ve always wondered where the chicken-fried steak was invented and now I know. Now can we please go?” “But we still have the entire exhibit dedicated to the difference between country-fried and chicken-fried! AND THERE’S RONALD REAGAN’S GRAVY BOAT!” That’s why I devised this clever little metric to help me select a honeymoon site that would be somewhere she’d enjoy while still keeping the details on the down low. With any luck, she won’t know where we’re headed until she checks in at the airline counter! (Counter Agent: “And where will you be traveling with us today?” Megan: “Um, I don’t know.” Counter Agent, whispering:“Blink twice if you’re being kidnapped.”)

With that in mind, Megan ranked the following on a scale of 1 to 5

  1. being No way, Jose
  2. being I’d prefer not to, but I will do it if you really really want to as long as I can bring my iPhone along
  3. being Could be fun. I’d give it a shot.
  4. being Yeah, I can see us doing that
  5. being Sign me up and bring the camera!
  • River rafting if it’s like a float trip, 3…. white water rafting? 2
  • Broadway show 5
  • Broadway STYLE show 5
  • 12-hour side trip in rental car 4
  • 12-hour side trip in tour bus 5
  • Renting machine guns 3
  • National Parks 5
  • Helicopter rides 5
  • Canoeing 3
  • “Natural wonders” 5
  • Jet skiing 2
  • Zip lining 2
  • Hiking 1
  • Retracing the Griswold’s journey from “National Lampoon’s Vacation” 1
  • Art museums 5
  • City tours (double decker bus style) 5
  • Presidential libraries 3
  • Ethnic foods (China Towns, Little Italys) 4
  • Sky diving 2
  • Camping 1
  • Paintball/laser tag 1
  • RV 3
  • Renting bicycles 1
  • Postcard shopping 5
  • “Regular” shopping 5
  • Renting Segways 3
  • Science museums 4
  • Zoos 4
  • Halls of Fame 5
  • Hokey Route 66-style attractions 5
  • Visiting a big city 5
  • Visiting a small – but cool – city 4
  • Aquariums 4
  • Cooking classes 5
  • Sporting events 5
  • Riverwalks 4
  • The beach 2
  • Ice skating (in July!) 2
  • Eating in diners, drive-ins or dives featured on “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” and the like 5
  • Eating in restaurants cheffed by our favs: (Lola, Bobby’s Burger Palace, Butter, etc) 5
  • Concerts 5, depending on the artist
  • Horseback riding 2
  • Visiting former Olympic venues 4
  • Attending a TV taping (not “Big Bang Theory,” sadly. they don’t start filming until September at the earliest :-( ) 5
  • Fishing 2
  • Public transportation (subways, buses, cabs, choo choos) 3
  • River/lake cruise 5
  • Bocce ball 3
  • Tank rental (yes, you can rent tanks. sadly, you can’t shoot the big gun) 4
  • Cruise 5
  • Relaxing by the pool 4
  • Comedian 5
  • Overnight train tour 4
  • Factory tours 5
  • Badminton 4
  • Amusement parks 4
  • Ballroom dancing lessons 5
  • Historical landmarks 4
  • Apple/pumpkin/watermelon picking 4
  • Spa 5
  • NE 5
  • SW  3
  • NW  5
  •  5
  • E  5
  • SE  3
  • S  3
  • N  5
  • Canada  5
  • Mexico  3

All in all, I feel pretty good about the results she gave me and my eventual choice. As long as we’re not spending our first week as husband and wife together in a tent, it looks like she’s pretty flexible on the destination. Depending on her reaction once she does find out where we’re going, I may need to patent and market my research tool. If nothing else, it’s helped me learn that my soon-to-be wife kinda likes badminton. Who knew? More importantly, she’s open to the idea of me renting a tank. Yep. I chose my Megan wisely.

Where did you go on your honeymoon? What activities would you give a 1 or a 5? Based on her answers (and the assumption that I’m taking her wishes into consideration and not taking her to the James Bond movie festival), where do you think we’re headed? We’ll send the winner a postcard!


2 responses to “The (Mystery) Honeymooners

  1. I think you are taking her to New York then maybe road tripping up the East Coast. Various restaurants, Broadway Shows and maybe a Bed and Breakfast.

    Jason and I went to Chicago because we wanted to go somewhere but we only had 4 days. We did tourist things and a lot of shopping.

    Wherever you take her I am positive you both will have a great time. If you rent a tank I want pictures. Lol.

  2. We went to Maine for a month. In a tent. Lobster and clams every single day! Check out Pemaquid Point from Damariscotta. Everything you’d need for the perfect ocean vacay! Even the town band playing at the lighthouse on Saturday nights! The whole trip was a five!!

    I think you’re heading to NYC. Text me the photo from the top of the ESB or Rock Center! Don’t forget Carlos Bakery!

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