Play Time: Review of ‘Ender’s Game’

"This is not a game"? Dude, you literally just said it was a game. See? It's right there in the title!

“This is not a game”? Dude, you literally just said it was a game. See? It’s right there in the title!

Rated PG-13, 114 minutes (watched 11/2/13)

Ender’s Game is odd. I think it’s trying to teach me a lesson, but I haven’t a clue what that lesson is.

Ender (I pause now to wonder if there’s any foreshadowing in this young lad’s name) is handpicked from kindergarten bootcamp to go to a space station for training on weightless American Gladiator challenges. It’s only half as stupid as it sounds. He’s yelled at by everyone, including Harrison Ford. Ford’s character has a name, but I can’t remember it. Just call him HARRISON FORD. He’ll answer.

Things happen. Ender play’s the titular game.  It’s not backgammon. There are aliens. That’s pretty much it. It doesn’t really have an ending.

Is this a movie (first a book, one I’ve never read but have at least heard of) about video game violence? Is it about following orders? Is it about standing up for the disenfranchised? Is it about genocide? Is it about the tragedy of child soldiers? Is it about killer cockroaches and a much tattooed Ben Kingsley with an unpronounceable name? Of course I’m way over thinking it and of course the answer to all those questions is yes.

photo 2

All that’s wonderful, but what’s the movie’s grade? I’m in a hurry here, buddy.
3/5 tough life lessons from a smirking Harrison Ford. It’s not actively bad, but I don’t need to see again.

Where do I know that guy from?
Asa Butterfield plays Ender who starred in a tear-jerker of a Holocaust film, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Seriously, don’t watch it unless you want your eyes to leak. Megan forced me to watch it on Netflix, an act that has caused the streaming video service to suggest an entirely new and entirely too real category for our viewing pleasure: “Dark WW2 Dramas.”

What is the star’s spirit animal?
Probably some sort of ferret. Ooh, or a mongoose. I’ll go with mongoose.

What color socks are you wearing right now?

Spoiler alert!
In both the movies I’ve seen that star Butterfield, bad things happen in the showers.

Megan’s Take:
Not amazing, but not terrible. (3/5)

Heard any good jokes lately?
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool.

Snacks eaten:
Popcorn with M&Ms mixed in, two Diet Pepsis

Unrelated Word of the Day:
Rectitudinous rek-tuh-TOO-duh-nusadjective : characterized by the quality of being honest and morally correct : piously self-righteous

Would the movie have been any better with the addition of Morgan Freeman as narrator?
You know, a narrator might have helped things now that I think about it. I’m not saying I need everything spelled out for me, but they could have made a few things a little clearer.

One response to “Play Time: Review of ‘Ender’s Game’

  1. Pingback: Art Saves Lives: Brian’s Artistic Masterpiece Power Rankings (and Review of ‘Monuments Men’) | Brian's Power Rankings (And Some Movie Reviews too, I guess)

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